Rich - 30

“Apathy”. This word for me has some serious weight to it. It is one of many fears I have grown to know and understand.  

In a way, the fear is well-founded. I acknowledge the part of me that wants to do nothing. The part of me that wants to sit at home, eat junk food and play video games. It is the fear that no matter how much knowledge I consume or personal development I endure, I am always one step away from self-sabotaging myself into an oblivion.

I am constantly fighting against a descent into laziness. It is a never-ending battle. This little voice in my head has me to believe that a single lapse in discipline will undo years of hard self-work. This perpetual feeling of being two missed workouts away from falling into a rut and becoming a man I do not want to be. I am on a fast-moving treadmill and one misstep will send me hurtling into chaos.

In the back of my mind, I question my resolve. What if the day comes where I do just stay in bed? I understand there must be grace, especially for ourselves. But what if it happens again and again, triggering this unmotivated life day after day.

Step by step I am learning to live with these thoughts. Undoing years of catastrophizing and negative self-talk. The journey is long and challenging and completely worth it. 

Music - Rich’s music choices during our photo session included, Best of Live Worship and Hans Zimmer.