David - 51

It drove my wife Jody crazy.

Our kids would start almost every sentence with, “Hey Dad…” followed by showing me some random Instagram, YouTube, Snap Chat, TikTok post they had just discovered. It’s not the posts that drove my wife crazy, it was the fact that sometimes they would talk like I was the only one in the room. They didn’t mean anything by it, it was just the product of me being around a lot more than I used to be. I was there when they came home from school and on the sidelines whenever they were playing whatever sport I had just driven them to. "Hey Dad…" just became a reflex for them. It wasn’t fair to Jody, but secretly I loved it. Sorry Jo.

The kids had completely forgotten that in their early years, Jody’s career was put on hold. At the time, she was there for them a lot more than I was. They didn't remember how much time I used to spend working at the advertising agency, working from home, working on our vacations, working on my way to work, but I do. I particularly remember an early “Hey Dad …” that almost killed me, but instead saved me.

It was the summer of 2006. I was trying to get a ridiculous eleven spots done in one month. I was in my third week of being holed up in one of the poshest hotels in Toronto. It should have been fun. I was working for the “Agency of the Year”, being treated like a big shot on set, learning from good directors and quaffing unlimited lattés. It should have felt like my ultimate reward in a career where I was always trying to do more TV. It should have smelled like victory. Instead, it smelled like failure, with a hint of self-prescribed medical marijuana. I felt like I was losing. Losing the battle of trying to find a healthy balance between my family and my career, between being good at my job and being a good father.

CUE BACKGROUND MUSIC: Harry Chapin’s Cat’s in the Cradle

For the second year in a row, I would have to miss my daughter Hazel’s birthday because of a crazy shooting schedule in Toronto. I felt terrible about it. It was the pre-FaceTime era, so I decided to film myself standing in front of the CN Tower singing happy birthday and email it to her. In between wardrobe sessions, casting sessions and schmoozing with the client sessions, I managed to send the video. By the time I got to phone her and see how she liked it, she was almost ready for bed, not very happy and didn’t want to talk. Apparently when Jody played the video for Hazel, she tried talking to it, asking why I wasn’t there. Even though it hadn’t been invented yet, she thought it was a FaceTime video. She got upset at my lack of responses and ran away crying. Great. Swing and a miss on the “Dad of the Year” contest.

To help me feel better, Jody put our 3-year-old son Quinn on the line. He was always good for a laugh. So much so that I kept a blog on him called “Poo my Son Says”. It’s still some of the funniest shit/poo I’ve ever written, and really it was just me transcribing his random thoughts. That day he had a doozy for me, quite possibly the most important thing he’s ever said to me;

*Jody gives Quinn phone*

“Hey Dad?” (He always ended every sentence in a question, he still does).
“Yeah Buddy?” (I always called him buddy; I still do).

“Hey Dad?” (He said it again).
“Uh, yeah buddy what is it?” (I could almost hear him thinking on the other end of the line).
“I kind of forget what you look like?”

Now I could hear something. My heart. It had shattered into tiny little pieces. Those pieces were ground into a fine powder and blown away by a cold wind that echoed through my now empty chest. It was probably the worst thing he could have said to me at that moment. On the other end of the line, I could hear Jody saying, “Give me that!” as she snatched the phone away from him. She also knew it was the worst thing he could have said. Quinn started crying, I could hear Hazel crying in the background too. “Sorry.” Jody said, “I got to go.”

I could hear both kids going off and my dog starting to bark before she hung up the phone, and then the saddest dial tone I’ve ever heard. Just underneath the dial tone, I could hear something else too. If I listened carefully, I could hear my priorities shifting. (I’m pretty sure I stole that line from a BC tourism ad, but hey that’s advertising Rule 1. Steal shamelessly).

I vowed right then and there to make some changes in my life. I wanted to be a better father. More present in body and mind. Since that day my quest to be present has taken my "career" for quite a few part-time turns; Bus Driver, Blogger, Author, Busker, Voice Actor, T-shirt Designer, Packaging Designer, Youtuber, Foot Model, Animator, Junior Motion Graphics Designer, the list goes on and on, but the best job so far? Full-Time Father.

Sometimes when I’m not buying myself a latté, I think it’s a shame that my prime earning years had to overlap so completely with my prime parenting years. However, every time I hear one of them say, “Hey Dad! …” I know it’s been worth it. A solid relationship with my now adult children is all the reward I could ever ask for.

Music - David’s music choices during our photo session included, Nick Drake, Arcade Fire, Harry Chapin, and Danger Mouse.