William - 74

I was born in Toronto in 1947, the second oldest of four siblings, three boys and one girl.

As far back as I recall, I always felt misunderstood, left out and like everyone was against me. Elementary school was a nightmare. I was unable to focus or learn concepts quickly. I couldn’t spell, and reading was a struggle causing me headaches. I didn’t learn as fast as the other kids, and I was always at the bottom of the class. Throughout my teen years my struggles only intensified, relationships were hard, I was awkward, and my communication skills were lacking. School never got any easier and I ended up dropping out in Grade 10.

My dad was hard on me as a kid. He wanted me to succeed in life. However, like most other people, he didn’t understand why I was the way I was. Back in the 1950’s, there wasn’t a lot of support let alone sympathy around undiagnosed learning disorders. I remember feeling like my dad was embarrassed of me. I recall many occasions where I would go to my dad with problems, looking for him to make me feel safe, but often he would make me feel like I was the problem for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. This made me feel unwanted and like I wasn’t worth the effort.

One morning at the age of 17 I was awoken from a dead sleep by the stinging smack of a leather belt across my back. I jolted up scared and confused as to what was happening, my dad staring back at me angry because he thought I hadn’t taken out the garbage the night before like he’d asked me to. The belt left a physical welt across my back which healed in a week. The emotional welt would prove to take longer to heal.

Not long after that incident, my aunt and uncle asked if I would be interested in driving across the country to visit family out West. I was excited for an adventure and my parents agreed to let me go. We hit the road in the summer of 1966 for a weeklong road trip. Little did I know, this vacation would be a defining and life changing journey. I would never go home to stay ever again. We arrived on the west coast in a small mill town. I was blown away by the beauty of the mountains and the ocean. Within a week I found a job working as a laborer for a local construction company. A few months after that I met my future wife, we were married in September of 1969, and started a family of our own a few years later. As the years passed by, and after becoming a father myself, I began to understand my dad better. Perhaps it was the distance, but oddly I became closer with him 3000 kms apart then I was living under his roof. Over the years my parents would fly out for visits. Though my dad was never able to apologize to me, I knew I had proven to him that I was smart enough to live a successful, productive, happy life. During a meal out on one of those visits, he pulled me aside and said, “take care of your family”. This might sound insignificant to most, but I knew that was his way of telling me I was doing it right, and that he was proud of me.

In my mid 50’s, I was reading an article on ADHD. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This was me. This is what I had been living with my entire life. So many things started to make sense and I began to understand the “why”. This was the first time in my life, I felt understood. It was such a relief to know I wasn’t alone, and that information allowed me to accept and understand myself better. I wish there had been more support and acceptance around learning disorders when I was a child. I believe a lot of suffering could have been avoided if people had better knowledge and tools to understand that many of their children’s “bad behaviors” were not a choice.

My life now feels very full. I have good friends and a loving family. I’ve always told my children I love them which I believe is something every child needs to hear. I am a good provider and proud of the man I have become. I have a strong faith. I discovered a love of singing and painting and I am involved deeply within each of those communities.

We all collect physical and emotional welts through this journey called life. For me, I believe in forgiving wherever you are able to. I think of my dad often, and I miss him. I would love to sit and have a coffee with him all these years later. I think he would be impressed with the things his kid accomplished. I came from a time where men didn’t talk about their feelings, I’m glad to see that changing. I believe my father would also.

Music - William’s music choices during our photo session included, Don Williams and Willie Nelson.