Jeremy - 41
One of my major strengths is being honest with myself and others. I often find myself sitting and thinking about what I can say or share with people that could help someone one day.
I grew up in a very uncertain environment. I have never really known what it is to have a "normal family” … whatever the fuck that means. My mother and my father were polarizing characters. My father, much older than my mother, was strict. He worked alongside sick and disturbed people. Growing up in foster homes, he had his demons. He was both mentally and physically abusive towards me at a young age. To put it lightly, my life with him was horrible. However, I was able to acknowledge that this man put a roof over my head and food on the table. Then there is my mother. Although her childhood was hard, she was the light. She was patient, fun and outgoing. This allowed me to be free and to explore.
My mother struggled with alcohol for many years, when I was 4 years she placed me in the care of her friends so she could leave with another man. My father, whom at that point I had become estranged from, had found out. It only made sense for me to go back into his care until her return. Unfortunately, she didn’t reappear for several years. This repetitive narrative would quickly become a source of problems for the rest of my life.
In grade 3, I attended 3 different schools in 2 different provinces and 3 different towns. Needless to say, we moved a lot. I started to act out around the age of 10. I was placed in special programs throughout my school years, including taking recess at a different time than the other kids, alone. Constantly fighting and getting into trouble. These behaviors would continue until grade 9 when I was expelled for good and left home to work full time. Using drugs and drinking, I was now hanging around kids like myself. Fighting, stealing cars, and breaking into people's homes. You could say, I was a real shit head. These behaviors would continue until I ended up in prison. Fearful, I found a way to snap out of this destructive headspace and checked myself into a long-term treatment center. Here is where my life would be saved and forever changed.
It’s been hard. Learning to deal with shame, fear, anxiety, insecurities, anger, and depression all stemmed from my childhood. I have learned that as a man, it is ok to share how I am feeling. The stigma of "suck It up" or "be a man" is all bullshit. Just because I'm stronger or my biological make up is different, doesn't mean that we can’t share it or feel it. I want to teach my two sons that it's ok to be sad, it's ok to be hurt, it's ok to be happy, it's ok to feel fear, it's ok to be different and it's ok to talk about it. I want this stigma to end here. It ends with me. We (men) need to help the next generation see that life is not easy. Life is hard, it's ok to struggle and we don't need to do it alone. Doing it alone and harboring emotions can cost us our life like it did to one of my closest friends Ian. He passed away alone, scared, and trapped. I will always use his pain as a strength to share and move forward.
Today I have a wonderful life with an amazing family and beautiful children. After treatment I went to school and got my Red Seal in Carpentry. I have my own company. Building and renovating people’s homes alongside my 6 hardworking team members. I love it. It allows me to be creative and to meet amazing people. I’ve been fortunate in my life to receive second and third chances, and this correlates with my business philosophy where we take pride in breathing new life into projects in need of transformation. I personally struggle everyday with my demons and past traumas. What gets me through it are all the people I have now surrounded myself with. Kind, honest humans I can speak with and who love me. I am far from perfect but as a friend of mine always says “1% better every day”. Change for the future starts with us sharing our experiences no matter how embarrassing or scared we are.
RIP Justin, Ryan, Ian, Mark, Michael, Franky, Rob, John and Uncle Mike. All men lost too early because of mental illness or addiction. This is for you guys I love you and I miss you.
Music - Jeremy’s music choices during our photo session included, Supertramp, Frank Sinatra, Rod Stewart, The Rolling Stones, Nancy Sinatra and Tom Petty.
